Cruise Questions Dumbest Questions Ever Asked on a Cruise Ship

Dumbest Questions Ever Asked on a Cruise Ship

Have you ever been on a cruise and heard another passenger ask a question that made you think “WHAT?!?!?!?” Our friends at Ship Mate asked cruise directors from different cruise lines for the dumbest questions they were ever asked by passengers. Here’s our favorites from their list of 10 Dumbest Cruiser Questions.
“Is that fresh or salt water in the toilets?” –  While we have no idea whether the water in the toilets is fresh or salt water, we will just go ahead and assume that it is fresh water. Honestly, we have never been tempted to find out.

“Has this ship ever sunk?” – We would have loved to hear what the cruise director said when asked this question.  Especially since they usually have a great sarcastic sense of humor.

“How small does your face have to be to get a mini facial at the spa?” –   We assume that this was caused from a language barrier, but either way, we got a kick out of this question.

“Why did I pay so much to have such an awful view of the parking lot?” – This question was asked while the ship was still in port on embarkation day when a passenger called the customer service desk.

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“What do you do with the ice carvings after they melt?” –  Maybe that is where the toilet water comes from…

“How do I know which ones are mine?” – This question was asked when a passenger was referring to the photo gallery.  If you don’t recognize the passengers who are in the photo, there’s a pretty good chance that the picture is not yours.

“Does the crew sleep onboard the ship?” – Where would you expect them to sleep?  On port days in hotel rooms?

“Why are the ruins in such bad shape?” – This question was asked while visiting the ruins in Rome.

You can read all of the dumbest questions over at their website.

Everyone will hear funny questions while on a cruise from time to time.  On our last cruise, we heard someone ask if they allowed passengers to water-ski off the back of the ship. Have you heard a dumb question while on a cruise?  We would love to hear it in the comment section below.

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Ben Souza
Ben, a world traveler who has visited 41 countries, currently takes between 8-10 cruises a year. His writings have appeared and been cited in various media outlets such as Yahoo News, MSN, NPR, Drudge Report, CNN, Fox, and ABC News. Ben currently resides in Cincinnati, Ohio. Follow Ben on Instagram. Visit Ben Souza on Linkedin. You may email Ben at [email protected]
Cruise Questions Dumbest Questions Ever Asked on a Cruise Ship

60 COMMENTS

  1. Sitting on the Carnival Pride with friends who were crusing for the first time…
    First thing, we get ready to get up from Lido and she asks, “Where do we put the trays?” As we are sitting there, he looks up an asks, “Whose job was it to sand all the nipples off of the mermaids?” And we laughed and just said, “Oh, it’s going to be one of those types of cruises.” They are now seasoned cruisers and as addicted to cruising as we are.

  2. We were on the elevator when a lady got on and asked us, “Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?”

  3. On our last cruise, while leaving port a person asked me if the coast guard boat follows us around for the entire cruise. I was tempted to tell him yes.

  4. When we were cruising through Alaska one guest asked : Are those small islands stay in one place all the time ?? how its possible that they not drift away ??

  5. I worked on Royal Viking Line 30 years ago – and heard most of these questions, and can still laugh at all of them. But the one I am adding here – happened in the morning – going into Russia. A passenger called me at the reception and asked me what the temperature was…I asked -“in celsius – or fahrenheit madam? She said, “No silly, in Leningrad!”

  6. I am a travel agent and I have heard some good ones.

    “Can my boyfriend take his fishing pole and fish off of the ship?”
    “Do we need to pack a survival kit, so we don’t die when we get off the ship at the islands?”
    “Can we take buckets and bring back fresh shrimp?”

    • I am a travel agent too and have heard some doozies-case in point- I had a client ask if they could take a cruise from Alabama to Gatlinburg TN, another asked if they could take an Alaska cruise from New Orleans since they didn’t like to fly. Another one said she saw the eiffel tower in New York, and just loved visiting the Grand Canyon on her cruise. I took it to mean Grand Cayman! Recently I had one tell me she wanted an inside cabinet on the cruise ship, or BOAT as she called it, since it was cheaper!

  7. Does the ship provide its own electricity….No, we have a 1000 mile extension cord we use to plug in at the embarkation port, and unravel it as we get further away.

  8. O.k. Here is one I heard. A woman asks a crew member a valid question: Is that sea water in the pool on the ship? The crew member responded: “Why as a matter fact it is” Then the woman turns to a family member and says. “That’s why the water is so rough in the pool!”

    Nothing to do with the fact the ship actually moves!!!!

  9. I was on the MSC opera this year and the lady on board asked the cruise director is the swimming pools water fresh so he said no we drain it every night and then pump seas water back in so she replyed no wonder the water is ao rough!! Hahahahahahahahaha

  10. Standing at the gangway in a tender port a guest asked me if it was possible to pour more water into the sea, so the tender would come up and she didnt had to walk down the stairs… Yes for sure, how much water you need? Oh wait… Isnt the ship floating as well???

  11. We were on the Carnival Magic and we heard someone ask a crew member if the stairs go up or down?
    Seriously!

  12. As an Ex-Carnival photographer, I had some crazy questions as well.
    Carnival Glory, 3 years ago: “How can I go to the other side of the gallery?” I have never answered a dumb question with a normal answer, I started to sing: “I believe you can flyyyy… or you can walk…” 🙂
    This is not a dumb question, but I always had dumb answer for fun: “Where is the ladies room?” – “I don’t know, I’ve never been there”.
    Quest is looking at my name tag: “Is Hungary similar to the Hunger Games?” What should I say? “Yes, we’re getting close to that.”
    My favourite: “What will you do with the pictures we don’t buy?” My usual response was: “We’ll recycle them. We’ll put them up next cruise, and we’ll sell them in a discounted price to similar guests.”
    Fun ship, fun times. 🙂

  13. I am a tour guide in a town called Ketchikan, in Alaska. The top 4 silliest questions are:

    4: This from a lady who couldn’t get her cell to work: “Are we still in America?”

    3: “Do you take American money?” As opposed to what? Gold? Beaver teeth?

    2: “How far above sea level are we?” Asked as we’re standing on the dock right next to the cruise ship. I walked over, looked down and yelled “About 3 feet!”

    And from the same woman 1: “How do you get the totem poles to grow that way?” I had to stare at her a minute to see if she was messing with me. Her husband face-palmed so I figured she wasn’t. Before my filter kicked in I responded “We carve the seeds before we plant them…”

  14. I was working on Carnival Conquest and here are my favorites:
    “Is this the elevator?” “Yes, madam.” “And how do I get to ninth floor?” “Madam, you enter the elevator and press nine.”
    or something that happened to friend of mine who worked at purser’s desk – some women called her screaming that micro-wave in her cabin does not work, everyone tried to explain that there is no micro-wave in the cabin but she kept on and on until they went to her room and discovered that she was trying to warm up a baby bottle in a room safe!

  15. I was once going out of the ship in St. John (Canada) with my wife who happened to be working in the same dept. as me & while going out we met a guest who happened to eat at our restaurant the night before & he sees us & exclaims loudly… ” Ahh .. u r going out ?? do u get off to go out ??”
    i wanted to smack his face …… but put on the Famous Cruise Line Smile & said politely .. ” YES”

  16. My favotire question from a couple of nice passengers:
    (Usually I got this question on the embarkation day.)
    “Where is the elevator which takes you from the back of the ship to the forward?”

    But one lady were try to pull out from me where is that elevator which can take her from deck 7 Aft to dack 11 forward. That wasnt easy to explain her, that she needs to walk to the front by her own feet, and then up to 11! She told me, that someone told her their is one for sure! I guess a good fried of her was teasing her a bit. 🙂 she walked away very quickley, probably she got the joke of her friend.

    The most of these guests were funny and sweet after my answere. 🙂 i love them!
    It can happen that we are too excited to see or think clearly !

  17. During the boatdrill I was asked the stairs I was positoned were leading up or down.
    Also they wanted to now if the lif f would take them to the front of the ship. The photo questuion happened to a friend of mine, his answer was priceless… ” madam all pictures are arranged alphabetically”

  18. During the boatdrill I was asked the stairs I was positoned were leading up or down.
    Also they wanted to now if the lift will take them to the front of the ship. The photo questuion happened to a friend of mine, his answer was priceless… ” madam all pictures are arranged alphabetically”

  19. On Carnival cruise from NY to Carribean (late summer time): will we meet [email protected]
    The often one: Do really the crew. members live all the time [email protected]

  20. Guest (lady in her early 50’s traveling alone) comes up to me at the front desk and asks: where is it that this cruise ends? – Vancouver, mam. I answer perplex with question. – She then says: oh… And in what country is that? I paused for a few seconds before answering that one. Amazing.

  21. There are plenty of questions from ‘people on vacation’ (o; I love the one that lady asked when we were in the storm. She was walking down the hallway with her glass and asked : “Can you stop this ship moving?” yes, mam for our guess everything ((((o;

  22. I was on a HAL ship in Alaska and an American passenger went to the front desk and asked to change her American money for Alaskan money—WHAT??????

    • We had a similar situation on a Caribbean cruise out of Fort Lauderdale many years ago. Our first port was Key West and at the port shopping talk two ladies from Canada asked if the shops accepted U.S. dollars! I guess that’s what happens when geography isn’t taught in schools.

    • sailing to the mediterranean sea, someone asked me at the front desk, once we stopped in Civitaveccia, wat can I do in this port? and I asked if they visit Rome before, they said no, but we have no idea what is intereting to do in this european city?….Plop…. really???

    • Sorry, but geography is taught in Canada and it is rather insulting to insinuate that it isn’t. Many Americans don’t know that Canada is directly north of them. When we went on an Alaskan cruise that left out of Vancouver, BC Canada and were in Juneau an older man pointed to the boats in the harbour and said they don’t have this in Canada, yet he got on the ship in Canada and there were huge ships and yachts everywhere there. Another person asked if there was much need for electricians in Canada, after learning my husband’s profession. He told them not too much, that if you put more than one light bulb in the igloo it melts. Seriously only a couple of the people we talked with from the US had no idea where Calgary or Alberta was because they had been there for business or for the Calgary Stampede, so not knowing Key West is in the US is no worse. Even after the 1988 Winter Olympics Americans still don’t know where Calgary, Alberta Canada is.

  23. There is a guest who came to the front desk and complained about the room they booked. According to the guest, he paid so much on that outside room with veranda so that he will be able to enjoy the morning sun on his vacation. He expected that he will always get the morning sun everyday. Unfortunately, no!..it depends on the location of the ship as it is moving and not stationary when the sun rises!

    Another guest on transatlantic who was not able to make an outside call and was so furious about this. The front desk staff explained that making a call on the ship while sailing will be dependent on the ship satellite and if the ship location is not really good chances are they will not be able to get through but to be patience and to keep on trying until the satellite is good. Then the guest ask the front desk staff …where is the satellite?…the staff replied and said…its up in the sky!

  24. Do these stairs go up or down.?
    Wh isn’t the shop open? I’m bored. (After a fight with Hurricane Wilma in which the shop lost. Wasn’t even room to walk much less shop.)

  25. I was a nurse on board and my wife was Shore Ex.
    While at my “first aid post” in the private island of Half Moon Cay, people would commonly enter my office and ask me to “post” their letters and postcards. I’d always have to explain FIRST AID post… not post office!

    On the other hand, people would get off the ship, go to my wife and ask “where is down town” or “where is Diamonds International”. Again, this was Half Moon Cay, a little private island that had little more than the beach and the horseback riding trails 😀

  26. A lady came to a 4 day cruise out of New York to St. John and Halifax, it was september. First stop St. John, it was about 40 degrees and this lady comes con ver bathing suit and a beach bag screaming at us and asking where de. We told her St. John and she said this is not the caribbean as i expected, then we told her is St. John Canadá, she started to cry as she thought it was St. John USVI.

  27. I worked for years as a photog. best response to ‘ how can I tell which picture is mine? ‘ was from a colleague. ….”well…when you see a photo of you…..looking back at you…..well that’s you!” try keeping a straight face after hearing that!

    • I don’t find that too stupid. Our first cruise with Holland America in June 1994 had the midnight buffet at 11 pm every night.

  28. I work as well on board of a cruise line , in the shopping area 🙂 here you can really hear some funny(anoing) questions 🙂 like : “How much does this 10 euro watch costs?” “Witch way is Zara ?” and the one that i love the most “DO you go by helicopter at night back home?”

  29. I worked on the White Pass and Yukon Route in Skagway, Alaska. At least once per week, a cruise ship passenger would walk across the dock to board the train, look up at the snow-capped peaks, and ask “How far above sea-level are we?” My answer was usually, “Well, the tide is out, so I estimate that we’re about 20 feet.” Only about half of them got it. To the other half, I would explain that the ocean doesn’t run uphill. Only about half of THEM got it. 🙂 🙂

  30. I get asked which way is forward all the time, which is fine– I get it… it’s a big ship and all. But I’ve been asked when we were standing by a window with a view of the water rushing by. My answer: “forward is the direction the water is coming from.”

    • NCL had the foresight to put a carpet with a fishes swimming in one direction that direction was forward. So we always told guest on embark day tours. if you are not sure which way you are going follow the fish. they will take you forward. Funny but true the first night you would see all sorts of people looking at the floors as they passed us in the hallways.

  31. I could read these until it’s actually time for me to sail 378 days from now. You know what the craziest thing is … I’m very certain that there would a “dumb question” for me to read, and as they say; “every day of the week and twice on Sundays”. LOL LOL … L THE HECK OL! Thanks for this very funny ditty.

  32. From the Norwegian coastal steamer. Question from a passenger: Is the midnight sun the same one as we see in daytime??

  33. I was stood next to the gangway once, a lady asked me where the nearest gangway was. Another time while standing on top of the grand staircase, a lady asked “how do you get down the stairs?”, I looked at her feet, then looked at her face and replied calmly, “one step at a time madam”.

  34. I used to work for Carnival…we got some good ones. One wanted to know if they had an “outside” (ocean view) cabin would they get wet when it rained. One wanted to bring their jet ski…said if you can fit it in your cabin bring it! And last but not least a fellow agent had a lady who wanted to bring her RV on board so she could tour areas while in port! Really??? Where ya gonna put an RV? lmao

    • Julia, you have to go back in time, NCL had the Sunward, Starward and Skyward, Sundance had the Stardancer.

      All could carry cars and RV’s.

  35. Does the ship generate its own electricity?

    Do these stairs go up or down?

    Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?

    If the Captain is at the cocktail party, who is steering the ship?

    What time is the midnight buffet?

  36. One of the dumbest questions I heard on a ship : After dinner the wait staff were cleaning off tables. Someone noticed they were separating the left over meat from the vegetables. OMG why are they doing that? The wonderful group I was with explained it was for the second seating guests. The response was that is terrible. Somebody should do something about that. Is that why we eat first seating?

    • The sad part is that there’s a good chance that it is going into one of the many unrecognizable dishes they serve the crew in the crew mess.

    • Yeah, u are right, that food will probably finish one of many and many plates… sadly… We do it in the restaurants too…but not that often.

  37. we were on a cruise Q&A session and one of the passengers asked if the seaweed we saw floating was part of the raw sewage from the toilets!

    • When i was officer at Festival , passengers used to ask me :1) How do we dirve the ship at night if we do not see outside 2) If the ship is at anchor, how do we go to shore 3) Are we allowed to have sex with the crew? 4) what time is the midnight buffet 4) do we fish for fresh fish for the restos?

    • I don’t know why asking what time the midnight buffet is considered stupid. Our first cruise with Holland America June 1994 had it at 11 pm ship time every night. And no I wasn’t confusing the time as the daily schedule that came to the room said 11 pm.

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