I Love Cruise Spas… Until the Sales Pitch Starts

If you have ever wondered what a limping impala feels like taking a sip of water from a crocodile’s favorite watering hole, just wait for the sales pitch at a cruise ship spa.

You’re floating in post-treatment heaven, muscles like butter, when the therapist smiles and asks: “Have you considered our $375 laser package?”

After a relaxing massage on a cruise ship, all you really want to do is take a nap in the solarium or back in your cozy cabin. Your mind is relaxed, looking at ocean views through those giant windows… and then — bam!

Suddenly, you’re not a relaxed cruiser anymore. You’re an injured impala limping over for a peaceful drink at the watering hole. Except, it turns out the hole is surrounded by hungry crocodiles wearing name tags and holding product brochures.

Too harsh? Maybe. But nothing ruins the moment for me like the pushy upsell mode that kicks in the moment the massage ends.

Welcome to the modern cruise ship spa experience on mainstream cruise lines.

Cruise Mode Equals Relaxation Mode for Me

There’s something magical that happens the moment I step onto a cruise ship. Along with that rush of excitement, there’s a sigh of relaxation that inevitably escapes.

It’s cruise mode. And for me, that means relaxation mode.

One of the first places I like to visit is the cruise ship’s spa area. I do this mainly because I want to get some pictures and videos of the area without anyone in it, and this is the best time to do it.

But I also love to check out the thermal suite as a potential getaway during a lazy afternoon during my cruise.

One thing I love more and more about the thermal suite on a cruise ship is that it’s mostly free of the pushy sales tactics that seem to dominate many of the treatments offered.

And I’m not alone on this.

A recent thread on Reddit about a cruise ship spa experience showed that this trend isn’t going away any time soon.

The original poster described the beautiful setting and lovely staff but also noted how the nonstop upselling (including stacked products and a $3,750 skin laser pitch) made the whole experience feel cheap.

“The people are also lovely! But the upselling is horrible and nonstop! I don’t need the upsell,” the cruiser stated.

Many comments to the post shared similar stories across different cruise lines, from guilt-trip comments to sudden attitude shifts when they said no.

Why the Upsells Happen (It’s Not Just Greed)

Most cruise ship spas are operated by third-party companies rather than the cruise lines themselves.

The biggest player is OneSpaWorld, which runs spas for many major cruise lines including Norwegian Cruise Line, Royal Caribbean, Virgin Voyages, Celebrity Cruises, Carnival Cruise Line, MSC Cruises, and others.

Their therapists often work on a commission basis. That means product sales and upsells (lasers, serums, supplements, acupuncture packages, etc.) are a big part of how they earn a living while working at sea.

With new wellness options like Botox, IV drips, red light therapy, and advanced skin treatments now available onboard, there’s simply more “weaponry” for the sales conversation.

From a business perspective, sure, it makes sense. Running a spa at sea is expensive, and these add-ons help keep the overall operation in the black.

Most therapists are kind and super knowledgeable about the products they offer. But when you’ve just melted into a puddle of relaxation, the shift from “namaste” to “ka-ching” feels more like you’re taking the ice bucket challenge.

The Guilt Trips and Forced Self-Consciousness

Going from relaxed to self-conscious isn’t an ideal experience.

A quick comment about “roughness,” fine lines, or dull skin can make you suddenly hyper-aware of every imperfection, turning a peaceful session into a makeover intervention.

Then come the guilt trips: “Don’t you want to take care of your husband’s sciatica?” or “This is really going to help you feel your best on vacation.”

It’s an effective sales technique. It must be, or it would have stopped a long time ago.

But I’ve seen it cut into the actual time of the massage itself. And if you just keep nodding your head in agreement because you want to be nice, the spa commercial just continues.

4 Ways to Shut Down the Cruise Spa Sales Pitch

The good news? You don’t have to avoid the spa entirely. Here are some polite but effective ways to keep the relaxation intact:

• Set expectations early. On the intake form, write clearly: “No product recommendations or additional services, please. Just the treatment today.” I’ve seen this work, but it’s not 100%.
• Be upfront but kind. I can’t stress this enough. Kindness has to be at the forefront. Before the treatment starts, say something like: “I’m really looking forward to the massage and want to stay in relaxation mode afterward. I’m not interested in any products today.” And then be sure to tip well.
• Use humor if it fits your style. When they start the skin critique, you can smile and say, “Actually, I like the way I look! No upgrades needed today.”
• Consider alternatives. Book the thermal suite pass instead of individual treatments. With all kinds of saunas, heated tile loungers, peaceful sounds, and even snow rooms on some ships, thermal suites can offer that relaxation you’re looking for.

On the thermal suite point, not every ship has a great one. In my experience, Norwegian Cruise Line and MSC Cruises have some of the best thermal suites in the mainstream cruise category.

Carnival has excellent Cloud 9 Spas on their newer Excel-class ships (like Jubilee and Celebration), featuring huge thalassotherapy pools. On the flip side, Royal Caribbean generally doesn’t put a big emphasis on thermal suites. Even their massive Oasis-class ships have surprisingly small, dark thermal zones tucked away inside the Vitality Spa.

Thermal suites on Viking ocean ships are second to none in my opinion, and they’re also included in the price of your cruise fare.

Back to the spa treatments: even within the same cruise line, not every massage and treatment experience is the same. Just know that for now, the sales pitch is part of the deal.

If you really want a massage, you can try to get one in port for less than half the cost of the ship. The quality of the experience will vary, but if you’re the type of person who hates saying no to a sales pitch, it’s probably your better option. Also, you should avoid time-sharing presentations (free tip).

Final Thoughts

I still love cruise spas. The facilities are beautiful, the views unbeatable (normally at the front of the ship), and a good therapist can melt stress away.

The impala-and-crocodiles analogy is mostly tongue-in-cheek.  But still, a little awareness and clear communication go a long way.

Here’s hoping the spas find a better balance between good business and preserving that precious post-massage relaxation mode. Because when they get it right, there’s really nothing better at sea.

If you want a relaxing cruise experience, here are my picks for the six best cruise lines for peace and quiet.